Women don’t want a good guy. We want a good man.
There are a few distinctive qualities that determine whether a man will be placed into the friend-zone or be given the opportunity to date a woman.
When I think of a “nice guy”, positive traits such as empathy and compassion come to mind. I also think of the “nice guy” as passive, compliant and possibly even someone who lacks boundaries. These are not necessarily negative traits, but they are associated with being weak, easily influenced and pushed around.
What women seek in a partner:
Women seek stability and security within a partner. That means women are consciously and subconsciously gauging men to see how stable and secure they are on various levels.
When a guy makes a woman the center of his world, or rather, the main source of his happiness, this puts A LOT of pressure on a woman and it inevitably repels us. We want to know you are good with or without us. This is the confidence women are attracted to *especially* during the early stages of dating.
The nice guy paradox explained:
Passiveness, compliance and a lack of boundaries are needy and sometimes even weak energies. The energy that a ‘nice guy’ brings into an interaction or partnership is repelling because it makes us women feel like you NEED us in order to be happy. So much so that the ‘nice guy’ is dependent on the woman. We don’t want you to depend on us. We need to know that we can depend on you.
Confidence (stability) and self-reliance (security) in a male partner is extremely intriguing and attractive. We want you to want us, not need us.
Albeit circumstantial, the moment we see/think/feel that a guy is putting us on a pedestal *especially early on*, we will reject him because consciously/ subconsciously we doubt his self-confidence, stability and security.
How to avoid being the nice guy:
Have strong boundaries
Speak up when someone has disrespected you/ your boundaries (if the confrontation is warranted)
Have your own hobbies and passions (things you would never stop doing because they bring you genuine happiness)
Be willing to walk away from someone who does not see your value
Confidence is KEY. It’s magnetic and extremely attractive.
These are just a few brief examples. Send me a DM via Instagram if you want me to expand on this topic!
Why nice guys finish last — SELF CARE EVERY DAMN DAY is written by Stephanie Daily for www.selfcareeverydamnday.com