I was recently “love bombed”. I first heard this term a few months ago. So when it began happening, I questioned if this guy was indeed “love bombing” me. Before I share my story with you, let’s define love bombing because it’s definitely worth talking about. And yes, it’s different from a fck boy. It’s a chocolate covered fck boy; the sweetest of their kind.
What is Love Bombing?
Love bombing is an unjustified amount of love, attention and promises within a very short period of time that don’t seem earned or right. “Love bombers” are over-the-top with compliments, affirmations, promises and sometimes even gifts that just seem waaay too good to be true. They do and say things to make you feel something; to get you invested in them and dependent on an insane amount of attention/ compliments. Once they get what they want, they disappear. Sometimes they want sexual intimacy. Other times, they could be seeking other forms of validation and worthiness through you.
Why is Love Bombing Dangerous?
I can’t say that 10/10 times a potential partner displaying these sorts of behaviors are in fact love bombers… Maybe it is love-at-first-sight and they are being genuine with are over-the-top wooing and courting. BUT… typically… that’s not the case. Love bombing is dangerous because you are being sold a false reality. Their compliments, affirmations, promises and gifts are unsustainable.
Love Bombing Vs. Genuine Interest
In short, love bombing is exaggerated, excessive and conditional. Genuine interest is patient and consistent. Please do not think that you can now never “shower” your potential lover with compliments, promises and gifts… as long as your intentions are sincere and you are doing these grand gestures because you genuinely see a future with this person, you’re in the clear!
Signs of Love Bombing and Red Flags
Showering you with compliments when they don’t even really know you.
Everything they’re saying and doing is over-the-top and seems too good to be true.
They talk about expensive gifts they’re going to give you or trips they’re going to take you on.
Constantly talking about the future with you (very early on).
Buying your love through gifts.
Disregarding your boundaries (example: insisting on getting together when you’re busy).
They swear ‘they’ve never felt this way about someone else’ (exaggerated and excessive).
They make it seem and even say they are the best partner someone could have.
They make grand romantic gestures.
They want to move very fast.
Something just seems off or doesn’t add up.
How to Spot a Love Bomber
Remember how I said love bombing is not sustainable? If you feel like something is off, continue to observe their words and behavior. Chances are, if you are being love bombed, it’s still very early on. I would also suggest not crossing physical lines with them… This is the easiest and most effective way to find out if someone has genuine intentions or not. If a love bomber feels like your attention, affection and commitment is too much of a long-term effort, they will likely disappear. Good fcking riddance. We don’t want fool’s gold.
My Love Bombing Story
Let me just start off by saying that this man had the same name as my last TWO EXES. I thought, this must be a test. But I also thought… third time’s a charm?! HAHA. Long story short, this guy and I briefly dated a little over a year ago. It sort of just fizzled because he disappeared. I didn’t really care because I was never emotionally or physically invested. Even back then I remember thinking ‘something just seems off’. Example: Last year, I was in Vegas for a business trip and this man FLEW TO VEGAS AS A “SURPRISE” TO TAKE ME TO A BOUJEE-ASS DINNER AND GAMBLE WITH HIS MONEY. WHO DOES THAT? An extremist— a love bomber. In all honestly, I thought it was pretty cool/ a bold move (not going to lie) but it all felt too good to be true. When I feel like something is “off”, I won’t be physically intimate with someone. Maybe that’s why he disappeared, and that’s totally fine… because it showed what he was actually in it for.
They always come back if they never got what they wanted:
December 31, 2020, New Years Eve… Mr. Extreme calls me to tell me the one and only thing he regrets in 2020 is that he let us grow apart and would like another chance… I said, fine. Mainly because it was fun hanging out with him, he never did any harm and I was honestly just curious to see how things would play out this time around, LOL.
A few days later he sends me a dozen BEAUTIFUL long-stem white roses with a note that read, “Timing is everything”. Over the next few days, he sent another 3 dozen long-stem rose bouquets with similar notes. The 4 massive bouquets took over both of my countertops; it was stunning and excessive. As Season 2 of our rekindling played on, he would *again* tell me things that scared me and drew me in at the same time: excessive compliments, promises, future planning/ travel, affirmations and extremely lavish allure.
Example of one of his many love bombs: He lives 35 minutes away with no traffic. We had plans one afternoon and he insisted on picking me up. I insisted back saying that I could Uber or drive to his area, that it was absolutely ridiculous for him to drive forth and back. He then said he was already on his way because, and I quote, “I want to make your life as easy as possible”. Driving 45+ minutes in traffic (both ways) to pick someone up who is capable of getting there on their own is not sustainable. But this was the behavior and “chivalry” he was trying to sell me on, a love bomb, if you will.
During the second week of this short-term rekindling, he disappeared, AGAIN.
But lol, what happened to all the promises and future plans, Mr. Extreme?! The diagnosis? A grade-a, seasoned LOVE BOMBER. Do I care? No. Why? Because I believe actions, not words. Actions tell me everything I need to know about someone’s intentions, values and character. Believing actions over words allows me to have very low expectations and attachments towards potential partners until I see the paralleled consistency I need.
I know that was a vague story and I wish I could share far more details/ more love bombs but when I first created this the blog, I basically vowed to myself never to talk about my personal love life on here. I justified sharing this mini story because I know some of you want to know and hear about my love life and there is a 99% chance Mr. Extreme will never see or read this, LMAO.
Stay woke and nourish your worth so you’re not dependent on a love bomber to temporarily do it for you.